What Were You Doing?

Each year on our anniversary, we play the "What Were You Doing?" game. The day before and the day of our anniversary, we ask each other what we were doing on that day at that time. This year we have been asking, "What were you doing forty-five years ago today at this time?" After forty-five years, we find that some of the smallest details are becoming fuzzier, but there are some things we remember every year. Our most precious memories, we find, include many funny things that happened that day, but some are so special, they remain locked between just the two of us, kept in that place in our hearts where we share the only key.

When we remember the day before our wedding, we remember it as busy with final loose ends to tie up. We had no groom's dinner, but after the rehearsal, everyone was invited back to my home where my mother had prepared yet another feast for those who attended the rehearsal. Ron's family had traveled from Minnesota and were all there, as well as all of our bridal party and family. It was a crowd, but everyone was happy and, of course, only my Mom could have made a simple meal a feast fit for a king. she accomplished this in spite of helping me plan a wedding, caring for our busy family and dealing with the natural emotions of "losing" her first child. I am still in awe of her love and abilities. She was and is my example of beautiful womanhood.

The day of our wedding was the only Saturday in November with beautiful clear weather at a comfortable sixty-eight degrees. That was a true indication to us that God was smiling on us and blessing us. Ron was a member of the Fifth Army Band, considered at that time to be one of the premiere military bands. We were blessed to have his friends from the band provide the music at our wedding. Unfortunately, we didn't think to have it taped, so it only remains in our memories, but the musicians were spectacular. We had asked one of the men, a fine trumpeter, to play "Trumpet Voluntary" as the processional. He was to begin playing as I entered the sanctuary. The aisle I had walked every Sunday to attend Mass, extended forever that day as I stood on my Dad's arm at the back of the church. I actually forgot the trumpet would begin as I stepped out from under the balcony and when it did, I momentarily hesitated. My beloved Dad didn't miss a beat when he whispered to me, "Can't back down now." His comment immediately calmed me enough to begin the long walk down that aisle.

I remember the priest who conducted our wedding was having his own first that day. We were his first wedding. He was nervous as well. He asked Ron if he would take me as his wife. When Ron affirmed he would, Fr. Dubi turned to me and asked if I would take Ron to be MY wife. I had no idea how to answer - if I said "no" how would that look to those witnessing the wedding, but if I said yes, was my answer valid? It's amazing how many thoughts can crowd a second, but I chose to say yes, so now Ron and I acknowledge we are both on level ground, since we're both wives.

We forgot about the photographer who wanted to take pictures on the steps of the church after the ceremony and as we exited the church to a volley of rice (at that time it was allowed), and lima beans (thanks to my teen-age cousins!), we continued to run to get to the car and out of the rain of lima beans. We needed to retrace our steps to have our pictures taken. Fortunately, the spots where the lima beans hit did not show on the photos.

The reception began a few hours after the wedding because a wedding immediately followed ours at the Church. We shared the flowers we bought with the next wedding, so didn't need to remove them from the church. To keep those who had traveled from being without a place to be until the reception, my parents once again hosted a light lunch at our home. I continue to be amazed at the unconditional love my parents had for us not only that weekend, but our entire life together. The reception itself was huge, Polish, and filled with laughter, dancing, food, more food, and plenty of drinking. I had shared with Ron the traditions with which he would deal during the reception - we could not leave until the last of our guests was gone and he had to dance with any woman who asked him. Poor Ron did not know how to dance, and so we spent two weeks prior to the wedding in my basement with me trying to teach him the basic steps to the waltz and polka. When the time came, Ron rose to the challenge and did pretty well, until his partners asked him a question. Then he needed to stop dancing, because he couldn't count and talk at the same time. Most of the guests left before midnight, except for one man who mourned the loss of a pin. He claimed the pin was worth four thousand dollars and he refused to leave without it, even with assurances from my parents and the owner of the ballroom that if he left his name and address they would surely return it if it was discovered. He refused to leave and we were kept at the ballroom because we had come to the reception in my parents' car! We learned after hunting for nearly an hour that the pin itself was plastic, and he had received it after taking a course in broadcasting for which he paid four thousand dollars. My father quickly closed the session by telling the man everyone had to leave - now!

We returned to my parents' house to find Ron's car up on blocks (thanks to my uncles and cousins again). Fortunately for us, that was all that happened negatively because my father asked our neighbor to keep an eye on the house and he chased off the pranksters with a rifle. Thank you!

My mother performed another miracle by hosting a party the following day at our home for anyone who wanted to come over and be with us while we opened the gifts we received. Unfortunately, Ron and I were not able to make it to the party because we were both ill. After all the excitement, nerves, emotions and very late night, we woke with severe headaches. We arrived at my parents' home too late to see everyone else, but did spend some very special quiet time with my family. Ron was discharged from the Army two days later and we were free to begin our new life together. We spent Thanksgiving with my family and then said good-bye. I assured my mother I would not forget my family and she told me I was always allowed to return home, but not without my husband.

We grew up at the beginning of the "free love" era. However, Ron and I were both raised traditionally and with a strong faith and foundation. We determined prior to our marriage that divorce would never be an option. When we had our counseling sessions, we openly discussed the differences we would face as a "mixed" couple with Ron Protestant and me Catholic. He wrote us a beautiful letter after our marriage encouraging us to keep Jesus at the center of our marriage and we could never fail. We have faithfully done that.

We celebrate forty-five years today. We remember the day with joy and fondness, awe at the love expressed to us. We have learned the true meaning of unconditional love. Our years have been a mix of ups and downs. We have grown together and learned to know the heart of each other. God has been with us every step of the way - through the birth, growth and finally, adulthood of our sons, through Ron's injury at work and his continued pain each and every day, through financial lows and near poverty, through the ministry of those in our congregations who loved us, and even through those who did not. He has been at the center of our marriage and our life. We could not have survived without him. We have been through things that would have brought many couples to separation and divorce, but we have been blessed to survive with our marriage intact.

Our commitment to each other and our marriage has grown stronger. A waiter asked us at dinner last night how we have made it. He is planning to marry next year and wanted to know our "secret". We continue to be humbled by the fact we are looked at as an oddity - a couple whose marriage has continued. We are humbled because we are truly and completely blessed. We have worked hard, but the commitment we made forty-five years ago sealed our love and desire for each other. We had no loopholes, no ways out. We did not "try it out" before we married. We knew no one else. We kept ourselves for each other and God blessed. He has remained faithful to us as we attempted to remain faithful to him. As we look back, our memories are precious. As we look forward, we are expectant. We pray that God will give us many, many more years together here on earth, hopefully to even see our beautiful grandchildren joined in beautiful, long-lasting marriages!