Retirement?

It's very interesting being a Pastor's wife. In many ways, the life I lead is completely dependent on what church we are serving. The question is always, "How active will I be in this ministry?" We have served some churches where we have worked as a team. I was side-by-side with my husband in all areas of the ministry. At other times, I have been on the sidelines - relegated there by church members who see the Pastor's wife as an accessory to him, perhaps a necessary accessory, but an appendage just the same.

I recall one church where my husband was asked to preach for a fellow Pastor on vacation. We completed our own service and literally sped the twenty or so miles to our friend's church. My husband had warned the leadership that we would be coming in at the very last moment and we believed all was in order. We walked through the door and someone quickly pointed out to me where the piano was. I merely looked at him and agreed that the piano was very nice. What I did not realize, and what we had not been warned of, was that while my husband was asked to preach, I was expected to play the piano. Unfortunately, no one had bothered to ask if I could play the piano. I cannot. My husband can, however, so the service was not without music. This is just one example of the stereotypical views that people have of a Pastor's wife. She is someone who quietly supports her husband and play the piano.

Now my husband has come to the time in his life where he has spent thirty-two years in the pastorate, and feels it is time to step out of that role. He will not be leaving the ministry. He has been called and cannot turn his bank on the calling. However, he will rest, recuperate and gain strength to begin the next phase of his journey with God. Eventually, he will return, perhaps to teach, but no longer will he be a senior pastor with all the requisite responsibilities. While he is eager to begin the next phase, and spends time refreshing his body and mind. I am left with a huge question - what about me?

Just as being a Pastor's wife was foreign to me thirty-two years ago, being a layman's wife is something foreign now. I was happily in that role when we first married forty years ago and for eight years I would not have thought of being at the center of things at the church. I was always willing to help out, but not lead. I was active and involved. However, now I have lead. I have been asked to teach, speak publicly about matters of importance, counsel and even produce and direct the services my husband has prepared. He has retired - and, therefore, so have I.

The choice is not mine. I will once again become one of the congregation in whatever church we attend. Where possible, I will take part in things, but I will no longer be looked to as someone with answers. I will once again become anonymous, another face in the crowd. I'm not sure I'm ready for that now. I have become used to being the Pastor's wife... the one who knows the Pastor's heart. This is a bit of a blow to my ego. While my husband will once again be looked to as someone with authority, I will not. Even when relegated to the background there was a sense that I was on the "inside." I will need to adjust to no longer being there.

I'm sure I will survive. I will continue to love and support my husband,children and grandchildren. I will work at my job with the same commitment I have for many years. I will continue to love my Lord and my God and will live as I have in service to him. I will no longer be the Pastor's wife. I guess I'm retired from that. It will be an adjustment, but it will be one of many in my life. And with God's help, it will prove to be another wonderful step in the road I travel.