Disclaimer: I promised my family and friends when I started this blog that I wouldn't mention any of them by their real names. Therefore, any names I use are purely the product of my imagination. I just get tired of typing "my husband, my sons, etc." It is easier to name them. I asked my husband what name he would like for me to use when speaking about him. He chose the name Lee.
In the ministry, often a wife appears to be just an appendage to her husband. We are often introduced to people as, "This is our pastor, John Smith, and his wife." I do not believe for a moment that this oversight is a deliberate attempt to ignore the fact that I am there. In fact, I find it an honor to be considered such a part of my husband that it seems appropriate to link us together in an introduction.
For many spouses of ministers, however, this is a difficult adjustment to make. I have counseled with young women who hated being a pastor's wife because they felt overlooked and unrecognized for their own accomplishments.
This anonymity has not been present only in church settings. I have been nameless in stores, on the street, and even, on one instance in my own family. My mother-in-law quite often forgot to mention my name when she introduced my husband and I in the first few months after our marriage. She would simply say, "This is my son, Lee, and his wife." He would often retort, "Mom, she has a name, her name is Naomi." This continued for several months, until at the funeral off one of Lee's cousins, his mother made her standard introduction, and he made his customary retort. Then, turning to the relative to whom he was going to introduce me he said, "This is my wife, uhhhhh...." I am convinced that God had a good laugh watching poor Lee squirm!
I work as a paralegal in several areas of law, including business and immigration. In both of those areas, the misspelling of a person's name can have serious, sometimes live-changing consequences. Contracts used in business must be correct, and a person could be denied status in our country should an error be made. I feel sorry for people whose parents labeled them with a name meant to be cute or funny, or even honoring to a relative or friend; but caused immense heartache and even bullying throughout school. How many times as a child did you wish your parents had given you a different name? How many times are parents pressured to give a child a name to please someone else? In our case, I was asked to name our oldest son after my grandmother. Her name could be used in either a masculine or feminine form. I immediately thought of all the ways our baby would be teased and we decided against it.
We will fight ferociously to protect our name because with that name comes a reputation. What images come to mind when you hear the name of Mother Theresa, Marilyn Monroe, Mahatma Ghandi, or Adolph Hitler? The reputation of these people has gone on far beyond their earthly lives.
Is our reputation as important as we believe it is? I'm not so sure. I have just begun reading a book about attitudes toward mistakes and failure. In it, the author stresses that to fail at something or make a mistake is not a negative, but that our attitude toward that mistake or failure will determine whether the failure can be turned into success. We are so afraid someone will think poorly of us if we fail, and our reputation will be irreparably damaged, that we shrink from attempting what God has in mind for us.
Jesus had a poor reputation with most of the religious leaders of his day. His hometown population ridiculed him. However, he knew his purpose in life. He had given up his position in Heaven, set aside his Godhood, and come to earth to bring forgiveness and eternal life to those who believed in Him. His mind was set on what He was to do here on earth, and so He didn't look to the approval of people, or seek to protect his good name.
One person may have an easily recognizable name, with the power and prestige that come from a sterling reputation for success, and not be welcomed into the eternal glory of heaven. Another may have no name recognition and a reputation as a failure, and be joyfully welcomed into the arms of Jesus at the end of life. God knows whether we will be considered a success or failure during our lifetime. But reputation and a good name on earth mean nothing to God if we do not accept Jesus. Our names will be written in the Book of Life, only if we have recognized and received the gift Jesus brought.
Far more important to God is our willingness to follow the path He sets for us. It is entirely possible that the path could lead to what the world considers failure and loss of reputation. It could also bring success and recognition. The only thing that matters to God is our attitude.
God will never think less of us for our mistakes. He will welcome us into His Kingdom warmly and equally, and He will eternally remember our names.
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